its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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