Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
