Just mADE A PArabola og urine
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
