When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
