We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize