i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
