You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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