I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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