No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
