So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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