I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
it's great music for shaving your balls
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I came so hard my ears popped.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
