32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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