A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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