i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
