Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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