i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
