Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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