Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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