He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
