I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
third nipple confirmed
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
