I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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