oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
They took my balls.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize