Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize