My cat gives me a boner
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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