my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
