Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You took a bar mat shot.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
