Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
