I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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