you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
