My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
