I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
COCAINE IS GR8
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
