just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
