Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
