Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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