Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
