I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
