The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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