he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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