she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
