Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
