Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
