If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize