I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
