As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
