I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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