What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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