I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The feeling are messing with the penis
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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