i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
