it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
