he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm at about main and main street
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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