I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
