the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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