So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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