i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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