vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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