You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
