I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
