dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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