I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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