either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
