There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
