Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
