honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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