So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Sober January is a disaster.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
