He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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