I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
