I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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