Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
