Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
