ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
