i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
