Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
