i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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