I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just pee around me
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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