Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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