Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
