i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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