marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
