Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
