I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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