I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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